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Chapter Three

CILLIAN DISCOVERS THE

LAND OF PIPE DREAM PICTURES

……

 So how did Cillian first become clever clogs. This fish story of facts is a trip back in time to return to the actual Eureka moment that was the pilot for all this new psychology put together in Nothing Normal House, where the first steps of Cillian and his creative memory process by the seaside in this classical nuthouse thrived.

 Credit first goes to his mysterious Chinese friend Chuck Li of the Becka Foo Book Café in the Belfast Cathedral Quarter for licking into shape his imagination as his genius and studious cerebral Chinese medical acquaintance who was the first to pioneer and acquaint Cillian’s mind with real light and system. It was like the invention of gunpowder, and so explosive too. To Cillian it was like inventing the wheel or having a Guinness with Galileo.

 What Chuck Li showed Cillian was a simple secret secret, and it deeply intrigued him that while Miss Honeyhole taught the class everything about King Tut and his sarcophagus then Isosceles, she never once spoke of this picture illusion magic. She drowned all her class in information that was about as much use as tits on a Nun.

 So looking back one night in Belfast, it happened. Chuck Li bestowed to his best mate Cillian the secret of association, and this is how this venture and new way of thinking came to be. This Chuck Li from China from the fields of Hon Jenn Lon in Canton was now a student of medicine at Frederick Street Fever Hospital. And here he was funding his training plating applesauce and butter cake with East India Coffee at Belfast Becka Foo. He was as clever as Leonardo, only this virtuoso from China made Latte and not the Last Supper.

 Now Chuck Li also knew that thinking is a rare and reasonable thing. Like his Café Romano that was served smoothly and instantly, Cillian sensed his resolve of winning with their camaraderie over coffee.

 A glossary of coffee names Cillian got to know, which Chuck Li had fallen in the way of conventions and teaching that took up his time. So he asked Cillian to become fond of attending to his customers. His friend he had become, so he magnanimously surrendered his time to serve Cappuccino in this temple of cupped lightning, if it so helped Chuck Li to become a surgeon which was the big job of it’s day. And here at Becka Foo the well dressed of Cathedral Quarter and Writer’s Square Belfast came to savour the sideshow of Cillian’s charisma and brains at this Barista. It was the essential refreshment these professional people had always wanted.

 On the other hand, Chuck was very shy with the shillings. He violated Cillian’s human rights with no modern code for money. A heedless condition associated with the condition of a slave, as even with the sideshow and acquisition of running a café where sometimes Chuck could not afford to pay him but only to refresh and feed. Yet he always salaried Cillian with intellect and wisdom. There were new books of science and great thinkers everywhere, as the customers drank their coffee. So this infusing of beans wasn’t their only recuperation.

 But one night of eighteen ninety five while locking the latches and mopping the Mocha, Chuck Li who was done with debate and diseases at the Frederick Street Fever Hospital called Cillian over, and now everything like Archimedes taking a bath was to change. He had always carried with him a secret looking and very suspicious Louis Vuitton leather case.

 Now this chest of papers had everything. So sitting down by candlelight one night, Chuck Li opened the canvas carry. From where inside was protected some strange lots of ideas thinking book. Cillian was hooked as he had seen many books, and this one was a course of blunt academic description that carried both graphics and great facts.

 It wasn’t a fairytale of goblins and talking animals. Cillian was gifted this book, as royalty for his reliance in working in the Becka Foo Book Café. It was called ‘The Land of Pipe Dream Pictures’ by Juno Hearse, whoever he was. Possibly some lost in time author, and published by Egghead & Einstein of Dublin.

 However Cillian absorbed by the creativity was so taken by the name. And he loved this publication of pictures and puns that just jumped out at him. But as much as he liked the book, Cillian had no desire to invest time with the works of this academic author. It was on first impression some sort of Confucius philosopher wisdom that only a miracle would retrieve from some time worn dusty repository in the Glover Library. It was a tired book, and like Cillian thought that his was not the first mind it would touch.

 His first impression. Cillian was not okay with being gifted a bible of academic poppycock over the choice of getting fed and paying his way in the world. Which he always did quite admirably. But then once he seen the study of art and cartoons, he was off. Cillian could sit in silence for the rest of his life, until you understand what he took in next. Like the success of the illustrations of George du Maurier, many sequences of storyboards appeared. As a story was being told in pictures, not in words. Here jumping out were what looked like a hundred drawings, and each came into view that it was assigned with a number almost for a child’s mind to see and run with care.

 However the synopsis of The Land of Pipe Dream Pictures was obvious to say that this was written by a man of numbers. Someone who seen the beauty and calm of thinking in mental philosophy.

 Cillian’s first impression that this was like a body of work of the Belfast Municipal Museum & Art Gallery up in Botanic Park beside the Palm House Conservatory that in the eyes of many is one of the most beautiful examples of a Curvilinear cast iron glasshouse in the World. Famous for it’s Globe Spear Lilies, and from where Cillian as a child first thought the Palm House was the home of some famous prophets and clairvoyants. Later to discover that it was for potted plants and not these potty second sighted people. And Cillian to have flashbacks of his macabre and harrowing brother Ferris here, who was always engaged in selling Poteen in the park.

 This art gallery his regular haunt for his senses, like the Glover Library. Only a short meandering and rickety journey by one of the Belfast Street Tramway Company horses that had legs like jelly. And sometimes Cillian had the pleasure of the company of his favourite steed called Clever Clops, whom he always fed Eccles Cakes or Maids of Honour Tarts.

 And like the Louvre in Paris, Belfast Municipal Museum and Art Gallery had arcades of pictures by many famous people all in the measurement of their status and time. And this publication The Land of Pipe Dream Pictures, it’s illustrations evoked images of these foyers to Cillian.

 Who in his first taste and debut of these pictures was told that there was a hundred of them, and that they were a mysterious mental alphabet of the mind. Delirious with thirst for knowledge, he flicked through the pages to soak in The Land of Pipe Dream Pictures. Somehow he understood that the order didn’t matter. The fanfare of pictures impregnated and caught his mind. Every impossible caricature and spoof of society was here.

 The first picture that captured the natural inner eye of Cillian was this woman of impeccable beauty and cleavage. She had a curious likeable smile like the Mona Lisa and had jugs like the tankards at the Morning Star. It was the most natural charming coalition of association when the number thirty eight appeared beside her. But it wasn’t her bust girth or brasserie measurement or even the characteristics of a number to describe the accurate fitting of her breasts. Which is an impossible art to many and only feasible to professional tailors. No, the number thirty eight was her maturity and the autumn of her life and advancing years. And now to one’s imagination when everytime thirty eight appears, for according to this first chapter in The Land of Pipe Dream Pictures. All you have to do is think of bosoms even if those mental breasts you picture are small and humble and not to be confused with the Mountains of the Mournes. So milk this picture of jugs, as it is common knowledge that men are fascinated with breasts.

 In the wake of this information, Cillian turns back a few pages and sees the Messiah Stradivarius Violin that was crafted in 1716 by Antonio Stradivari a world-renowed maker of the best violins in the World. And Cillian looks upon this musical masterpiece quite easily and thinks that’s one of the stringed sinners who tortured his eardrums while working his homework at Funny Floor Cottage. But this device is from the collection of the Ashmolean Museum Oxford and not the backstreets of Belfast. There were many merits of this marvelous instrument. It’s manufacture was a yardstick for future violin makers to learn from. The Messiah Stradivarius is as fresh and intact as it’s creation in 1716. And the passing of this divine being of music in 1737, the trigger for the mental connection of thirty seven. Well that is thirty seven according to the world and ideas of The Land of Pipe Dream Pictures but you can author your own.

 Cillian is beginning to understand that these one hundred pictures are simply the samples of a language of devices to learn numbers. They are exclusively the pictures and imaginative mother tongue of this insightful author Juno Hearse. So Cillian could create mental sculptures and mugshots of his own. And he is instantly infatuated with this thinking in mind’s eye fool notion. But Cillian was curious and continued, as he wanted to be inspired by the idea of pictures as a language. Mind blowing facts about history, culture and everything inbetween. He was hooked by this disclosure of genius that was almost as wise as some father of fireworks who could make a rocketship to Mars. And he understood how valuable a memory system was essential to the success of Chuck Li in all his days of books and blood as a student of medicine at Frederick Street Fever Hospital.

 The fun and games continued as Cillian then turned the page and left behind the thoughts and pictures of Stradivarius. And on the next page, Cillian was to meet the magic of Midas of the Anatolian Kingdom of Phrygia who had great wealth and so forth the delusory story arrived that everything that he touched turned to gold. He was in his time a handsome and valiant man, yet so much codswallop and poppycock surrounds his gift of the Midas touch. But the modern day boffins in their establishment of the elements of the periodic tables, have since consigned Gold to the Atomic number seventy nine. And Juno Hearse in his visionary mind simply invites a picture of great fortune to remember this number.

 And succeeding Midas and all his parody of gold wizardry, is the legendary Easter Island. A lost secret world in the Pacific of a thousand giant Moai statues created by the ancient Rapa Nui people. Cillian to browse upon the drawing of the giant rocks that in his mind’s eye look like the Leprechauns and supernatural beings from the south or even the garden gnomes that populate the park on Ormeau Road. Juno Hearst asking his readers to believe that this island of ogre fairyfolk is twenty two as the Dutch discovered this isolated island of herculean sculptures in 1722. And what a day that must have been as they wrote home about the giant gnomes. And this liaison to the giant hobgoblins reminded Cillian of the day that Dumbledog the fiendish and feral dog of Tea Lane took it upon himself to piss over the piskey called Patrick that stood guard over Funny Floor Cottage.

 Next page from big stone men to little Green Men is Mars as the fourth terrestrial planet from the Sun. And apparently full of these little Green Men, as written about by the literary debut of Jules Verne. This book is such a stereotype of extraterrestrials and all those humanoid creatures we have yet to meet, if when. Not so sure if they have relatives on the Moon or have flying transport like the findings of Leonardo da Vinci. But a thousand pictures of Mars for the number thirty four. Maybe if atmosphere permitting they have airships like the Montgolfier Brothers that spin in circle shapes, or are laughing tin creatures that eat alien technology potatos in Space. And in asking yourself why thirty four is a model for Mars, then think of it’s orbit in the system and it’s closest proximity in millions of miles. And to get there if there was a road, then that Gaston Laubat Chap from France in his land speed record Jeantaud Electric Car would take a hundred years give or take missing a meteorite or debris in space. No Rocket Ships yet, but soon says the weird literary talent of HG Wells.

 But this little rock in space or Mars is no match for the architecture and monumental bricks of the Pyramids of Giza, one of the seven wonders of the World. That even the Romans got their holiday gear out and came to visit. And they had their own attractions like the Colosseum in Rome. Turning another page, Cillian was soon to discover that the number eighty was associated to the great blocks of granite that sailed up the Nile from Aswan as each block for the King’s Chamber Structure weighed an astonishing eighty tonnes. And all these rocks of these three massive monuments were tributes to their kings called Khufu, Khafre and Menkaure which sounded a bit like the Egyptian restaurants in Cairo Café Corner Belfast. Once an enormous graveyard, and now a tool of memory. Cillian finding it impossible to understand the mystery of the construction techniques. Almost as complicated as building the leaning Albert Memorial Clock Tower Belfast on wooden piles with an ambiance of prostitutes serving the sailors, or even towing those big blue rocks for Stonehenge from South Wales. How any labour force or master builder could plan and build the World’s tallest tower of it’s time four and a half thousand years ago before the invention of cranes and ladders, these particulars Cillian struggled to imagine. Maybe he thought, it was the little green men from Mars with their knowledge of astronomy and their proton torpedoes and space age granite chisels.

 Next turning the next page, a toxic image arrives of a suspicious bishop buggering his choirboys. And Cillian has a mind that is quick to describe an association to his nauseating and fallen between the cracks brother Ferris the Bishop of Ballynonce. The sickening appearance of Ferris repulses all six senses of Cillian. And even in turmoil the trigger to use this impression to remember the number sixty three works perfectly. Cillian now to realise that the chemistry of mental pictures works perfectly when strengths and weaknesses are brought together. His brain is ironically not buggered by this morally depraved Bishop of Ballynonce, and by some unexpected karma or force of nature. This lifelong twist of fate makes his mind impossible to forget sixty three.

 Next an attractive picture arrives, the total opposite human abrasion of Ferris. Cillian sees dominating his senses the happy face of Lord Admiral Nelson on top of Trafalgar Square, and here he is seen drinking wine while getting defecated on by a formation of pigeons. This enormous landmark as tribute to the Battle of Trafalgar, in The Land of Pipe Dream Pictures by Juno Hearse published by Egghead & Einstein of Dublin where this book of Memory has asked Cillian to see this as the number sixty nine. With it’s imposing shape and big metal lions, it was such a cultural icon for England. And it was big too at 169ft. And there was not a better fitting picture for this number when you think of it’s height. Now Cillian now had this in his head forever this image of the British flag officer of the navy getting merry in the clouds, as once you see you cannot unsee.

 So Cillian continued to read and understand the pictures, and that they looked like the Mad Hatter’s Tea Party with all these artistic graphics. He knew that his mind could not resist absorbing this information and his next step was to invent his own. As these periodical lithographs themselves were self-explanatory and the most obvious prediction of knowledge. They were the most natural charming coalition of association.

 More pictures followed. A great shoe, and attached is the silly story of the Old Woman who lived in a shoe that in folklore connected footwear and fertility. So this big house that resembled some socking great boots in this book The Land of Pipe Dream Pictures is number ninety four from that famous poem once published in 1794. The giant shoe apparently accommodates lots of children who were constantly fed with broth without any bread, and then got a good slap before they went to bed. No books or bicycles, and not even a father figure in the picture. This image for ninety four evolves around this big shoe-like orphanage and all manner of events around it.

 And even the small single numbers were eloquently covered by their own mental impressions, and most took the practice of a rhyme or some comparison to their shape. It was so easy, and impossible to forget numbers when the number one was a tall standing tower like the Eiffel. Two was the Swan Lake Ballet composed by Russian Composer Tchaikorsky in 1875 as two looks like a Swan, and then three is one of the funny talking trees in the first release of America’s home grown fairytale written by Frank Baum called The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. And four is the Biblical baloney of the Horses of the Apocalypse each promoting death, war, famine and conquest. But then looking at these pictures in greater depth, the number five according to The Book of Pipe Dream Pictures is seen as the hive and the nest accommodation of the Honey Bee. And a great place of industry for Honeycomb. It is also the conical shape hairstyle that gave rise to the traditional shape of the beehive fashion. Looking like a Fez hat yet with great bouffant style where the hair is puffed or fluffed up. Such was the popular aesthetics of society, so five gives rise to this sound of hive.

 Now what’s next is six, that rhymes with wick. This ignitable device before Swan & Edison came out with their vacuum incandescent light bulbs. This simple fire and light tallow is of whale wax so all affairs of illumination will serve great association for six.

 Seven stars Snow White, the Evil Queen and the Glass Coffin. And that parody of the Seven Dwarfs with their adjective personality names, as the Grimm Brothers in 1812 could not be bothered to call them Hans, Fritz, Otto or whatever you call your kids in Germany. There are a million feel good graphic pictures when seven delightful little men with good intention and short stature, somehow have a beautiful young innocent maiden in their cottage. But the handsome Prince manages to rescue her from the prospect of a secret life in the enchanted forest, and any murky ideas the dwarfs might have had. So seven is lots of things.

 Then eight is the shape and fashion of an Hourglass Corset worn by the aristocrats, as an exaggerated silhouette of the glass timepiece hourglass shape. This vintage device is also symbolic of the passage of time, and has features of glass bulbs and sand as not everybody has those old Nuremberg mainspring devices from Germany invented by locksmith Peter Henlein that once were worn four centuries ago that were very fashionable amongst the nobility of the time. Cillian once read about his brilliant brain in the Glover Library one day, while skipping school. Paying attention to the time he was banged up in a Franciscan Monastery on a murder charge, and during his asylum there, he spent his sentence in the deeper craft of clockmaking. Certainly, much more fun than making socks and mailbags as the jailbirds on Crumlin Road do.

 Now nine according to the great creativity of this author Juno Hearst could be either two people or both in conclusion. Two great men of our time were both born by coincidence on 12th February 1809. This Charles Darwin and Abraham Lincoln. One was the great scientist of natural selection whose face appeared on every church society dartboard in Belfast. And the other genius was the very popular sixteenth president of the United States who succeeded in abolishing slavery. Two great lives in this time, but for writer Juno Hearst he suggests the scenario where the monkeys are shooting Abraham Lincoln at the Ford’s Theatre.

 And last and not least is ten, the house of power and strings in Downing Street, now seated by Conservative Robert Gascoyne-Cecil who is a strong and effective leader in foreign affairs. Downing Street itself was named after a notorious spy once a sidekick for Oliver Cromwell who was called George Downing. This nostalgic property in Westminster has the most imposing door, and one can only stop to think of the many World leaders that have crossed this vestibule without tripping over the mousecatcher cat.

 So this soiree of one hundred simple caricatures could be used as an effortless natural association to anything you wish to remember. And the best part was that they now had a use, and Cillian quite easily could see that they worked. But The Land of Pipe Dream Pictures only showed one hundred impressions. You could cut down a Rain forest for paper to draw and write what your own mind could see, for when you take it further for there is no limit. So it is natural to take this to great distance. This is the simple secret secret of Memory. Imagine thinking in terms of mental pictures and letting that theatre in your head represent what you wish to remember.

 So imagine, it is easy. And Cillian’s eyes and mind had never once been woken or subjected to this fertile and delightful creativity before. This alphabet of association as concocted by every chicken and egg philosopher in history, or whoever invented imagination or put their stamp on it’s character no-one knows or can perceive. It’s a bit like no-one knows who invented the wheel or first decided we were a little ball of rock in a Solar System and not a design by God. But according to other philosophers that Cillian once explored in the Glover library, was that the manner of Memory was first practically observed by a Greek poet called Simonides who in 447BC who was one of the first ancient humans to develop a system of mnemonics as he called them. Which have passed to the modern times. Juno Hearst must have carried wind of this when he wrote his memory book The Land of Pipe Dream Pictures for the current social market, and from here his compendiums of cartoons appear. As the discovery of this primitive inborn gift continued. How could the World know who was the first to invent mental picturing.

 Cillian now had his thinking hat on, and walked home in wonder. He asked himself these many questions whether pictures in his head could be glued together like nature to make a tapestry of memory. Looking back he had great success in Little Heads of Belfast National without this induction of imagery. He even once read the tales of Simonides but it never sunk in as it seemed as simple as the intellect of a jellyfish. Or perchance he was using it deep in his unconsciousness and he never actually knew, as his learning was quite natural even without using this embellished imagery as a frame of reference. But thanks to Writer Juno Hearst and his book of The Land of Pipe Dream Pictures, Cillian began to grasp that the thoughts of any memory mentalist meant getting inside one’s head and to get the picture, literally. This new way of thinking to Cillian could be as insane as he allowed, with the privacy that an extraordinary mind authors. These are hand made thoughts that you design from your soul. Cillian will never forget the moment that these thought stirring pictures were first shown to him by this virtuoso of surgery and espresso, his friend Chuck Li. This arrived like a thunderbolt eureka moment, like he had invented fire or the wheel. Or even like the discovery of electricity with a box that does vision of theatre, that the HG Wells Time Machine book tells of in a hundred years that replaces the Playhouses and shows moving pictures of electrical stop motion of men on the Moon in their magic American Spaceship.

“Bloody Nora”, Cillian thought. This book is not selling him a dog, and now he was to see opportunity from every past difficulty. Soon after the journey home, Cillian was to nip round the terraced tenements to the local Big Fish & Cow shop, to be served by their corner shop merchant Mister Bertie Boatwright. Who with his wife Blanche was open all hours, and even their dear little daughter Loretta was always filling or dusting the shelves when not talking to or dressing her dolls in the pantry.

 Cillian then produced a preceding paper list of the next day’s needs and shopping, and everyday it was different. But this one was chicken breast in sticky ginger sauce, broccoli stalk, milk, bread, eggs, butter, haricot beans, golden delicious apples, Victoria sponge cake and of course Floella’s rare Chateau Lafite Wine that always caused a wobble when she got woozy. This Mama’s Whiskey as Cillian called it. And while walking to this end of Tea Lane to the Fat Fish & Cow Deli, he thought of the new astuteness he had gathered from this great book that suggested the art of learning with pictures that was gifted from Becka Foo. What a jaw-dropping payday from Chuck Li that was.

 That list he wondered. Cillian could present to Bertie Boatwright and be remade in mind like a human library with mental pegs coached by that wonder of imagination this author Juno Hearst introduced. So what’s next, well Cillian got his thinking cap on.

 He read that list item one, some chicken breast in sticky ginger. First he seen a farm fowl with the cleavage of Lotta Crabtree who if you didn’t know was a Victorian Leonardo da Vinci like woman you would want to have sex with. Her hair is saturated with sticky ginger sauce, and all this is happening while snuggling up to Cillian in the towering height of the Eiffel Tower that represents one. And impaled upon this great height is the chicken breast in sticky ginger.

 Broccoli next and Cillian sees and hears the beautiful arrangement of music of Tchaikorsky’s Swan Lake that symbolises the shape of the number two. The Ballerina’s dancing around a giant pot of hot broccoli stalks. Soon he sees a ballerina enjoying this dish that is made delicious in white simmering sauce. The ballerina hosts a feast and invites the troupe to gorge on these greens and soon their mouths were dripping in this dressing of butter, flour and milk. Cillian in his mind to wish he could join them, as this was always a perfect day of memory when he enjoyed this dinner in his days at Little Heads of Belfast school.

 Item three that rhymes with tree is on the list and his mission is to get some milk. Here in his head some cows ready to be milked are walking through an enchanted forest and meet the famous talking trees of the great Wizard of Oz fabricated fable that brainwashed America. The talking trees with arm-like branches take turn to milk the cows but not for their own refreshment but to feed their feral cat that was called Captain Cranky. The milking trees in his mind press the buttons for milk.

 For four is a sinister calvary scene once taught by Miss Honeyhole from her famous invisible man in sky classroom readings. Here Cillian smells a bakery in some Biblical New Testament scene of the Book of Relevation where he sees the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse queuing up for bread. And some are singing Two little fishes five loaves of bread, while throwing the bread about to feed the ducks at Botanic Gardens. The horses themselves seeking some crusts and debris of this ridiculous religious fun filled parody.

 Five as an echo of hive is the eggs, and Cillian first thinks of Miss Cherry Poppins of Flying Monkey Street who sports the most beautiful Beehive hair this side of Belfast, and every follicle is attacked and soaked in egg yolk. She’s not happy as it interferes with her cosmetics. But she is not to know this picture, as every experience of sense takes place as each egg assaults her everywhere. Cillian certainly has no intention of telling her of this mental travesty when they meet in the Lily Bar that she was once attacked by these organic egg vessels from a series of pictures that are now everyday in Cillian’s head. His memory now as private and secret as the finances of the Vatican and the sinister unspoken secrets of the Bishop of Ballynonce.

 Butter is the sixth on the list, which brings into theatre for Cillian the picture of a giant candle wick that rhymes with six that is now melting a sauce of butter. Then it cruelly incinerates and burns a cow to showcase this simple mental artistry, as cows are well known to make butter. Well their milk is, but rest assured that no cows were injured in the making of this mnemonic.

 And for seven. Gourmet Haricot beans are slowly cooked over fireside by the Snow White who has climbed out of her glass coffin. Here she shares the food with her seven pint-sized groupies, who she has great alliance with and in adult minds a suspicious ulterior motive. Cillian to imagine their return from their day working the mine, and then cracking open the wine. Well that is his version of the fairy tale that the Grimm Brothers do not want tell the kids.

 List item eight on the Big Fish & Cow shopping bill is the Golden Delicious, and Cillian with his depraved and censored brain decided there was no better picture than to see this apple variety stored in the bosom of one particular curvaceous lady in her hourglass corset that symbolises the shape of eight. Which hides this forbidden fruit amongst her cleavage.

 Nine the delicious Victoria Sponge Cake and then Cillian thinks of a coalition between Charles Darwin and Abraham Lincoln at the Royal Box in the Ford Theatre. A food fight evolves amongst the monkeys whose evolution was devised and written by Darwin, and where

in that confusion a fatal shot is fired. And yes, the food fight involves the waste of many delicious Victoria Sponge cakes with much of this delicious cake debris devoured by the monkeys.

 And last and not least is shopping item ten. Her weekly favourite. This is Floella’s rare Chateau Lafite Wine from Bordeaux that Bertie Boatwright sets aside in secret. He knew that this was Floella’s escape and half her wages from the sweatshop of the Factorytastic Weavers, so he never puts this bottle on show in the window. In Belfast it was like trying to find the Holy Grail as everybody in this ocean of emptiness and industrial streets of faecal stench and poverty wants one. And here Cillian creates a mental picture of the theatre of politics at Ten Downing Street and everyone is off their face on Chateau Lafite Wine. Later the bottle is left at the door almost as if one is waiting for collection by the milkman or to be licked by the Government cat the Chief Mouser to the Cabinet Office.

 Overnight the colossal imagination of Cillian now had this perfect technique of pictures. It was the first footsteps of better things to come and the genius that would take him to the circle of Blackpool seaside theatres soaked with those of seaside simplicity. Now he had a system that was almost child’s play and to him a piece of cake. Cillian now had what Juno Hearst called a Memory Palace, and every thought and fact could be stored anyway he wanted.

 That night he retreated in joyous elation down Tea Lane pausing for spirits at the Wizard of Wine, who was the local liquor bazaar of Cluan Place with a warehouse of craft pale ale that Cillian so loved. Here he sought his refreshment of liquid for the learning ahead with the literacy of all those chapters of Memory by Juno Hearst. It’s numerous clauses and chapters of information to cover. There was so much more to memory than just mental pictures with meaning, and Cillian quite naturally understood this. That shopping list show in the Big Fish & Cow was enough to light the eyes of Bertie Boatwright, who was a canny man yet harboured little sense of intellectuality. However what Cillian meant was that he too was a great man who thought in pictures, as why else would he have painted on the sides of his shop these enormous illustrations of a fish and a cow. People came for miles to laugh and jeer, but his advertising working as many went home with lots of dairy products and beer.

 Returning to Funny Floor Cottage for reading over gaslight and whale oil. Cillian had his heart and  designs to make exclusive sense of this new adventure of pictures of thinking. Beside the great range cooker complete with his crate of craft pale ale, Cillian began teaching himself all the qualities of memory with his highly developed imagination. That night he began to train himself all about the marriage of mnemonics, and how you remember information linked to pictures, and it is better if you deliberately instruct your imagination that they are out of proportion or just plain stupid. And all this while poking the range fire and sipping his craft ale, while glancing at the great mammaries on the mosaic, who he named Florentina and Flavia who always had this magic of adding atmosphere to the room. Cillian settled fireside by the bed of coals and cooker, and at close ranks became so lightly drunk and misadjusted with his pale ale. The mosaic at his footsteps added fun to his new mental invention of seeing everything now in cerebral pictures with even greater comedy.

 First there was a synopsis and foreword about this Juno Hearst, who was much inspired by our well spoken Victorian writer William Stokes who moved among a society of clever gentlemen in this era of psychology and invention. From where these men decided that memory is to be regarded as a faculty of primary importance by the intelligent of all ages.

 Cillian then observed chapter one with the cover poetically engraved with the most interesting and comical silhouettes. It was like a row of faces on the wanted posters at the Sandy Row cells. These cartoon stereotype characters had faces with names, and Cillian was soon to see that to learn their names was like making connections in his Big Fish & Cow adventure. So Matilda and Rachel were like parsley and fish. It was so simple. The book was saying when you meet someone new, you either think of a friend with the same name or associate your ideas and feelings of them to something else that reminds you. Cillian then realised just how elementary this was, to project that history of the past onto someone new. It almost makes thinking a pleasure. Like if there was ever another Miss Honeyhole, he would instantly retreat and think with great reminiscence of his old teacher at Little Heads. Who was once the most delicate being in Belfast and a world authority on Latin. Or what about David. Cillian once knew this David the Doctor from his practice in Writer’s Square, who escaped his profession to eat chocolate chunk cookies and to drink bottomless Latte as a regular guest with Cillian who served him at Becka Foo, and they talked about the science of curing people all night. And so much information changed hands over Latte that Cillian felt that he too could perform surgery and repair damaged tissue or swop organs. But Cillian decided his bedside manner was one of books, but no stomach for disease and blood. So to engineer a picture, everyone called David wears a white doctors coat. Cillian could never forget a name again. It was a fail safe technique to always remember the name of someone you have just met. However never to tell them for example your private thoughts that when you meet in any moment a Priscilla, that you are thinking of Priscilla the prostitute on end of Tea Lane who shares the same name but not occupation. Cillian then read that it is common knowledge that a name goes in one ear and out the other. It happens all the time, and learning everyone’s name is a precious possession. It is one of the few things on Earth that no-one can take away from you, yet we all have difficultly remembering names. It’s not just words, their name is a reputation and label of personality.

 Cillian then read that when you know someone’s name, they gather the impression that you like them. And now he will invent a library of mental impressions, and of course be careful not to advertise how he remembers them like he said of the prostitute Priscilla on Tea Lane. And Cillian then understood that if he met a Henry, he would project six wives onto his arm, or a Elizabeth she is wearing a crown like the last monarch of the House of Tudor. And when he had the pleasure to meet an Amelia, then he would animate her as Amelia Dyer. Not looking forward to revealing to his guest that his head is drawing pictures of the most prolific serial killer known as the Ogress of Reading the killer of four hundred kids who shared this name of Amelia. But whatever Cillian’s motive or picture was, they must always remain private as his version of association will obviously be different to everyone elses. Jasmine to one mind might be a genus of Olive Vine, while to others she is Princess Jasmine of Aladdin and all that magic lamp lark. Every picture of people will be unique, but never spoil it by telling them they are some idiot in history or that they were an exotic dancer in some sidestreet gentleman’s titty bar in Blackpool.

 So Cillian now knows that this picture system is the most fertile secret of memory, as his eyes are instantly entertained and disorientated by this art. “Flapdoodles and Floozlers, I’m going to take this places”, he thought. Cillian followed all these illusions of expansion with nonsense and irony. He covered every neurological condition of remembering by practicing and dressing pictures for their names. And something he kept secret too was that when he smiled on introduction, these people naturally assume that he is just pleased to see them. But in his incandescence of pictures, Cillian was either shagging them or covering them in custard. He had the most lucid library of association and prolific private mental pictures.

 Now Cillian knew that in life some people have faces you will never forget, and that you would never need this neuropsychological Alice in Wonderland conditioning to remember them. But now he had this new rule and recipe to recall their name now and forever. Cillian decided that this was gripping, and he became glued to the ingenuity.

 This book The Land of Pipe Dream Pictures by Juno Hearst certainly took this learning names to another dimension. So back to this row of faces like the wanted posters on Sandy Row. They were actually more like the rush hour of Platform One at York Road Station. Every portrait was different, and there was twenty faces robotically eating chocolates and drinking moonshine at some grand seaside hotel. Cillian certainly decided that they were indeed an exhibition of interesting pouts. This artistic line-up and heads was much like a night of people watching from the snugs of the Crown Liquor Saloon. It was a nice collection and surrounding of human federation, and it took Cillian back to the atmosphere of everyone’s favourite postmistress Miss Nora McFetridge with her birthday party at the Rinkha of Rowland. However never mind her many years gone and a few to go, as there was so much free ice cream that night. So no-one actually gave a fig she was fifty. Yet Miss Nora McFetridge was wise enough to understand that everybody wants to live a long time yet nobody wants to grow old and that people liked the good old days as they were younger then.

 Now back to these twenty faces and labels. What a collection of modern fashion they were. All these simple signature names seemingly hand-picked by Juno Hearst yet so nicely drawn in an allusion of information, again a bit like the Mad Hatters Tea Party. And all walking around the room having their tea and biscuits is Daisy, Arthur, Violet, William, Amelia, Frank, Maud, Albert, Nova, Charles, Penelope, Edwin, Victoria, Harold, Genevieve, Silas, Ophelia, Isaac, Ambrose and Aurora.

 But after that opera of pictures with the shopping list, Cillian decided that with his new Memory Palace it was to become ridiculously easy to remember this room full of people. Humans will become animated to be something else. What fun!

 Cillian decided that this book with it’s story of techniques is a masterplan for the beginner. So The Land of Pipe Dream Pictures by Juno Hearst shows twenty curious faces with features and stature. They look like any other people you would see working or shopping around Belfast. And here they are now exposed to the minds of Juno Hearst and Cillian Custard, and how anyone for that matter could picture them for memory. All these people on our planet, they are all different in person and face. And these mnemonics will just polish the talent that is already there.

 First face is Daisy. Known as the common Daisy or English Daisy, a European species. But this one was certainly not common. And there was also a song called Daisy Bell, about a bicycle made for two. Of course Daisy to Cillian was his soulmate anthropomorphic doll that was gifted by Nanabanana. that animated his imagination where ever his endless spectrum of mental adventures from Funny Floor Cottage took him. Cillian with his inner child mind only had to picture her pretty smiling pink face next to anyone called Daisy.

 Then Arthur. He is dressed like Danny Day-Loois the Barman at the Crown Liquor Saloon  and Juno Hearst is asking every-one to picture him fulfilling some prophecy of removing a sword from a stone to become King Arthur. Cillian will of course have that insight of alcohol. Danny and the Crown Liquor Saloon will feature greatly.

 Next is Violet, And with this lady, Juno Hearst asks you to see this female name against some eponymous flower. But Cillian his imagination takes him to a place where he sees and hears this lady playing a violin. And if he meets a Violet who does not appear with acoustics or being musical, he could think of her holding Violet the Pug the shop pet whose features scare small children and lives at the Sandy Row Post Office.

 For William, surely William the Conqueror the first Norman King of England. His other claim to fame was the compilation of the Doomsday Book that was a survey of all land holdings of the kingdom. His reign was celebrated with the building of many castles. But because Cillian is into his books, he sees William Caxton who first introduced printing into England. And since he is also known for misspelling ‘Ghost’ in his print with the silent h, Cillian also would then see spooky apparitions in white sheets. And with William, Cillian might associate and see a likeness of William the postmaster of Sandy Row.

 And Amelia was the famous ship Amelia that went missing in 1816 bouncing up and down on the sea near Java on her way to China, and Juno Hearst asks everyone to see a sinking brig. But Cillian chooses to see the mass baby killer Amelia Dyer called the Ogress of Reading. So Amelia in the picture is either getting her hair wet or killing babies.

 Now Frank, Juno Hearst asks his readers to see buckets of cash of the franks in European currency. But Cillian sees this big tall sapient creature created by Doctor Frankenstein from some unorthodox scientific experiment story written by Mary Shelley. So this genre of horror and zombie making surgeon is a picture of Frank. Of course many readers will correct Cillian as Dr Frankenstein was the creator, not the monster but then the mind makes pictures of anything.  

 The next cameo is Maud who as a literary reflection is placed upon poet laureate Alfred Lord Tennyson writing the Maud and other poems. And then forming association to the Charge of the Light Brigade. But Cillian once again on another planet only thinks of his late and much treasured Granma Nanabanana called Maud who was the rock of his learning and all invention of his childhood ideas. She was years ahead of everyone before they invented lights and telephone. She might have smelt of old socks and drunk Guinness all night, but she was a brilliant role model of brainpower over breakfast.

 Albert our next name is this grand looking man of great importance, and Juno Hearst makes association to the late Prince Albert of the Royal House. Cillian sees this Albert character as climbing the memorial clock tower in Queens Square Belfast or sometimes the famous French ballet dancer master called Francois something who went under the stage name Albert. So anyone called Albert, Cillian will either see him pranging around in ballet gear or to climb the Belfast memorial clock tower.

 For Nova she is of Latin origin meaning new. And in this new science of astronomical terms, Nova is the sudden discovery or appearance of a star. So Juno Hearst asks us to see this lady exploding in space. Cillian thinks it is not too flattering especially if she has eaten a few pies.

 But Charles also does not escape this comedy and according to Juno Hearst when not a king of England is a mad scientist called Jacques Charles who invented the Law of Volumes which is an experimental gas law that describes the mathematics of how gases tend to expand when heated. It’s all very scientific and clever. This gentleman in the book by Juno Hearst, is asking the reader to hear and smell his flatulence. But Cillian thinks please not that, as he would rather see Monkeys turning into humans as written by Charles Darwin in the Origin of the Species or one of our great kings wearing a crown who were pivotal in British History.

 Now this beautiful picture of Penelope. In ancient Greek mythology Penelope was pursued by a hundred suitors while her husband Odysseus was away kicking ass in the Trojan War for twenty years. So she showed great sexual loyalty. However Cillian chooses to think of one of the prostitutes called Penelope Promiscuous who lived on the posh end of Tea Lane, only this one was not famed for her chastity.

 Next we meet Edwin who in old English is good fortune and wine, so some rich banker crawling out of the Ye Olde Cheshire Cheese Pub in London might pass as a picture. Even a glimpse into the mind of Charles Dickens and his unfinished The Mystery of Edwin Drood. But Cillian he sees Edwin Septimus Stiggins who lives above the Lily Bar, stagger out of the Wizard of Wine Cellar with his refreshment. And Juno Hearst writes that when you rearrange the letters of Edwin Drood like in anagram, eight of them read ‘I Drowned’, and since his mother first drowned, the mystery is solved before his unexpected demise.

 The next picture no surprise. Of course Victoria our great queen and moral fibre in this time of great exploration and invention. There is no other picture than of this great lady and ambassador to our culture. And Cillian of course has one of his own. He remembers the local stargazer Victoria in her Gothic Fashion from Blythe Street whose job was to shine gaslamps and tap windows, waking everyone for work.

 Anyone called Harold, this one is easy. He gets it in the eye at the Battle of Hastings. Blood is pouring everywhere from his socket. And Cillian he also thinks of Harold Skimpole who is a character in Charles Dickens Bleak House. This chap is a playful entertaining gentleman of leisure, and not like the casualty of battle. And Cillian has acquaintance with one particular Harold, the landlord of the Cat & Custard by the Pier. Or what about Harold the cobbler on Tea Lane.

 Next Genevieve the Patroness Saint of Paris who many moons ago, she saved Paris from Attila’s Huns with her kindness as a weapon. She traded in food and arranged prisoner release. Her memory flourished in national pride. Cillian again had his own Genevieve. She ran the Soup Sisters kitchen next to Funny Floor Cottage, and here all days there was onion soup free for the impoverished masses. And Funny Floor Cottage next door with Fred, Flo and Cillian were always invited next door as the master tasters.

 Silas our next guest was a main cranky customer in the Bible. One of the many weirdo’s in this World of worship. And the locals thought Cillian was an odd fish for reading the Belfast phone book. But Silas was a leading figure in the early Christian community, whatever. And real to Cillian, was his friend and Guru Professor Silas Sillysocks. And this wacko with a wig was a professor of psychoanalysis and whatever defining doctoral degrees of Neurology. He was good in grooming Cillian for his adventures in mind and memory, and many nights of fun with the flock of ladies with whatever poison was for sale.

 Our next adventure with memory is Ophelia who was once a central love interest character from William Shakespeare’s Hamlet, some young noblewoman from Denmark. This Hamlet is so lovesick for Ophelia, who meets her untimely end in a brook of water. The play as a classic carries depictions of Ophelia’s madness and sexuality.

 Nothing like the Ophelia with the tight ass who works at Vico’s in Belfast. Exclusive to the eye and lust of Cillian is Ophelia Benedetto, as he sees this easy on the eye waitress the Benedetto girl as his first place of thought. When his mind is not on revising that big Belfast phone book, it is thinking of her bottom and boobs. Her specific beauty is always awesome. All his senses are aroused, and she cooks pizza too.

 Then meeting Isaac whose name is one of the three patriarchs of the Israelites, or whatever that means. And according to more biblical delusion, this Isaac reached the age of one hundred and eighty. Besides thinking of a very old man, Cillian would see three hits on the triple ring on a dartboard at the Lily Bar or the Cat & Custard by the Pier. However more impressions of Isaac. You could covertly think of pictures of projectile vomit of I-sick Isaac who projects vomit everywhere. Or what about Isaac Newton the great English polymath who was a key figure in modern science. And was the learned person who fashioned the laws of particles and gravity when an apple changed the history of science as it fell out of a tree. But this foodstuff story a mere myth, as Isaac Newton did not arrive at his theory of gravity in this single incident. But it is of course handy for remembering someone called Isaac if you can see them falling out of a tree. Ouch!

 Less painful is this Ambrose who was once some high-ranking theologian and statesman who pulled strings with the Romans, and was the middleman when all the emperors kicked off. He was a superstar of the hymn industry that made him one of the most influential ecclesiastical figures of the 4th century.

 But the female version Ambrosia was to Cillian some old dear who lived in Matilda Cottage of Blythe Street, and she made the most beautiful Cottage Pie in her house full of copper pots and pans and where her guests sipped tea from her Porcelain Royal Doulton.

 And last and not least is Aurora. Whose first picture is the magnificent Northern Lights Aurora Borealis that is a natural light in sky formation in high latitude regions. In onomastic terms, Aurora is described as something to do with brightness. Which explains to Cillian why there were few if any Aurora’s in the register of the Little Heads classroom. First Cillian thinks of Aurora as a lady dressed in incandescence bulbs like invented by Edison. Her smile is blinding, and luminosity is everywhere. Aurora was also traditionally the name of the Princess in the fairy tale who slept for a hundred years before the handsome Prince came along, and also some ancient Roman Goddess whose tears were the morning dew.

 So this sea of faces in this extraordinary Memory book The Land of Pipe Dream Pictures written by Juno Hearst has shown these twenty curious faces with features and stature. That look like anyone you would see each day, and underneath their name. These twenty names all seemingly picked out of a hat, and all their history too. Cillian has a fleeting moment where for one moment he thinks that Juno Hearst has somehow read more books than him.

 But Cillian and these twenty life of the party people. He is not interested in the good old days of their names and arrows and apples, or who sings hymns or falls in love with Hamlet. That was total hogwash to Cillian, as he knows he will surely see and invent his own. So Jeffrey is the god of toilet cleaning on Tea Lane and Prunella is the queen of Irish Stew at Fat Fanny. Peter lives in a house with a leaky roof and anyone called Olivia runs a wool shop in Galahad Lane. Cillian will direct his own mental inventory, as his magical and uncanny eccentric thinking is called into use.

 And now looking at Juno Hearst’s wonderful and mentally controversial book, it is asking the readers to think outside the box and picture these people like as if you are walking round the One Little Duck Bingo Hall in Belfast, or watching the World go by in the Crown Liquor Saloon. The book is asking your mind to be there, and it works. Your imagination has access all areas, and will never forget another name again. But Cillian feels in his bones that the author Juno Hearst is desperate and uncreative for ideas, so he senses that he will stick to his own so he will always see Ophelia in the Pizzeria rather than some love interest in Hamlet. Anyone sharing the name Ophelia, he will always see dripping in cheese.

 Next Cillian fleshes out the details of how he will practice this system. Every new person he shall meet and greet, he will create an alliance with imagery. He knows that he has many to play with and will learn how to carry them as if presented with nature. Cillian knows that when introduced to a new Leonardo, he will have visions of Rinkha and Ice Cream, and not flying machines and Mona Lisa by that famous Italian polymath. Selina who works next door as one of the Soup Sisters with Genevieve, Cillian decides every new Selina he meets could be seen as an ocean going vessel like the great ship RMS Umbria, as she phonetically sounds like sea-liner. Here you imagine echoes around her of brass bells and prey eating seagulls. And of course for Cillian’s mind, the ship is sailing in a sea of soup. These pictures continue in Cillian’s fertile mind, as even his uncle Cecil who sometimes brought Cillian books that he sold in the St George’s Market is seen as cess-ill so every new Cecil becomes shamelessly ill trapped in a cesspit that smells like a thousand polecats. And once a lady called Prudence knocked Funny Floor Cottage handing leaflets promoting a protest for Suffragettes. And as everyone congratulated her presence and political movement, Cillian asked her name and he immediately thought of Pru at the Fat Fanny who cooked a good Irish Stew. And Cillian was wise not to talk of root vegetable and lamb while her oration was of advocating voting rights with her big poster that said Votes for Women that surely you could see from Napoleon’s Nose Mountain.

 Next Cillian had reason to think after closing that chapter of faces. He was certain those twenty faces if they were of one audience, that they would be quite impressed with his recall of their names, and all this creative reflection that goes with it if that room existed outside the fantasy of his imagination. But think of this. Imagine if you were a politician in some vital affairs of state and you are introduced to twenty like minded people at once. And the reaction you would get when you return their names. But they are not to know who is getting attacked by seagulls, or who is dripping in cheese. And please don’t tell them that they are projecting vomit or they have an arrow impaled in their eye. This is clean elementary fun and piece of cake, and Cillian was hooked in this comedy of association. He already had all the mental tools with his vivid fun and games imagination. It was almost cheating, as all he had to do to remember every stranger’s name was to make a panorama of pictures. And to keep it secret too, like the mad boffins from Kerry who once discovered that the Pyramids of Giza were built by some amicable aliens from the Planet Antonius in the Orion Nebula.

 Every life Cillian will meet now, he will nail their name like it was of nature. Almost like cryptography with secret hidden signals. This gift of a book had shown Cillian the superficial code of a confederation of techniques that will blind his senses with emotion and location. Almost like some sort of intellectual idiosyncrasy. Every life he will meet now will be so different to rote learning, and Cillian had that funny feeling that he was going to become very good at this.

 Cillian was infinitely inspired so to himself he said “Thank you, my dear friend Chuck Li.” And what is more is that night he was paid in full, as his brain was fulfilled and his heart happy. Cillian then knew that despite his vast readings and natural invention of ideas, that this simple secret of memory by pictures was never once obvious to him. So this is the simple yet enigmatical secret of memory. As Cillian this strange being of nature’s architecture was born with imagination without technique, and now his ability in mind’s eye will allow him to learn and bring information into being that never existed before. Yet his days at Little Heads classroom were destitute of any version of this. So Miss Honeyhole missed her mark, while as a teacher she could bark.

 However Cillian had great success in class with only nature and no philosophy of this simple cerebral process, yet his days in school while creative were very much in darkness as blind as a bat. Cillian then reasoned that in school these mnemonics and art of mental pictures should not only be taught, but they should be educated in earnest. So with the discovery of this deviate dreaming, Cillian will continue to explore the mystery of the mind. And with association and imagination, Cillian will become the greatest of artists. Chuck Li had indeed truly opened the gates to giftedness.

 And now essentially, the mind of Cillian will become a much bigger place to store all his counsel from the world. But this memory training is not the cure to solve our intellectual problems nor to be a refuge from the distress that mankind is exposed too. It is a totally separate premise, so if you are a bohemian crackpot or strange fish and your mind is in perpetual turmoil you will continue to be so. This memory thing is invisible, inaudible and it has no known size or weight. It cannot be taken apart and the laws it obeys are not known to psychologists. And this first principle of behaviour is, first to think not as nature intended as there is no instruction manual with a brain. It is not something you can fix like darning a sock.

 So Cillian knew what an extraordinary artist is your mind. It loves good sense and yet shares great sheer adoration of nonsense. So now Cillian decided to live in a dream world of Lilliputian proportions with head trips of violence and association. Also to feel every sensuality and mind trip in his head, as the mind is top secret sex and vehemence with every part smashing reality into imagination. Even from the first simple show at the Big Fish & Cow. Every point of sale will have more destruction and colour than the Battle of Waterloo or the Saturday sale insanity at St George’s Market.

 So now every time with memory, Cillian knows to make his peg perfect. And thousands of these manufactured thoughts will be tucked away in the cosmos of his wits as they will all be lost somewhere in a world of biological electricity almost permanently, and he knows how to trigger them. There are no altered states with this intellectual screenplay of imagination. His mind is everything, and the body is the servant of his mind. And now almost everything he wishes to remember, he can trip out and live in this fantasy world of association.

 Cillian, his head is now an adventure like the Linen Hall Library for the educated Belfast society. Here they store thoughts on paper stolen from Norwegian trees or the big rain forest of the Amazon, that scientists of nature worked out that they give us air. All that storage of meticulously recorded knowledge on a thousand dusty shelves policed by some book wizard librarians, always fighting a noble battle in the name of knowledge.

 However the natural library, the mind itself. It needs a more colourful philosophical apparatus of memory, that is a repository and boutique of remembrance. And now Cillian has an exclusive one.

 So in this new kaleidoscopic life of reason and mentalism, Cillian was naturally animated to design a dictionary of personal pictures that only he could use. All in the serenity of Nothing Normal House. This masterpiece of self-discovery of much better value than any library. Every picture uniquely tailored for Cillian.

 But whatever the future of this new thinking, Cillian was not to know. It is but a parody of his education and journey in life. As he has no theory to the true use of his intelligence yet, as Cillian has not yet discovered that he can write or collect his thoughts in words and his current psychology as a seaside freak show does not hold any true future wealth or value.

 Cillian senses it is his early days. As Italian polymath Leonardo da Vinci himself who had his own legacy of studio and Nothing Normal House in Tuscany, yet he too did not get to fly planes or aerial screws with his first footsteps. But he did get to paint particularly good pictures.

CHAPTER FOUR CLICK HERE

© Tom Morton 2026

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